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There’s Nothing To Get

I just don’t want to write bullshitty things.

Feelings and other serious topics are not exactly my forte.

But in this moment, as my insides bounce around with the all too familiar panicking ache, I realize I NEED to write something.

Perhaps this is how Charlotte felt when she spastically sent out those response-less letters to her Belgian professor.

It’s a great reminder that those we admire most, were just as troubled.

Selfishness and anger are so easy, too. How many times have I nearly convinced myself to make a list? 20 times I bet. Yes, it seems like making a list of someone’s flaws would ease pain, but I know that tearing someone else apart will never make me or my situation better.

I’m so grateful for plants and trees. The oxygen they create so that I can take those deep breaths and calm myself is endlessly appreciated.

Then the silliest thing seems to pound in my head as I think a melancholy “I don’t get it…”

And the most comforting memory reapplies itself….

I remember what my Dad would say to me when I was a little girl. He would always reply, “There’s nothing to get.”

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Once Upon a Time, I Had Goals of Becoming a Writer…

I remembered, today…. how I forgot that I want to be a writer.

The problem is, every time I resolve to write something, I suffer from lack-of-interesting-content syndrome.

It can be fatal.

Let’s talk about my diet, shall we? Diets are always a topic of interest.

Now, anyone who knows me would, at this very moment be interrupting with, “…wtf diet are YOU on, skinny b****.”

Well, it’s a FAKE diet, OKAY? I have commandeered the term diet for my health(ish) decision.

I love food. Always have. Always will. It’s an unbreakable bond…except for that time I had horrendous tonsillitis and could not swallow for a week…but we don’t talk about those dark days.

I also like coffee. In fact I would drink many cups of it a day ( and by that I mean many cups consolidated into one big cup). Luckily, for my poor malformed heart and it’s problems, I drink half-caf or decaf. Unluckily, for…all of me, I put ten tons of sugar in said misleadingly healthier coffee. Yeah. It’s not really a nutritious routine.

SO. I decided I would stop with the coffee flavored sugar and start drinking water and eating a bit-o-breakfast. Breakfast cookies. No, wait, wait, breakfast biscuits (That makes it sound much better). So, yeah, I traded out my sugary coffee for sugary chocolate protein fiber cookies that give me 4 hours of energy….or at least a solid 40 minutes.

It’s going well. In fact, I even enjoy my breakfasts.
And I also enjoy the other rule of my “diet” which grants me permission to drink coffee on my days off.

Hey. You didn’t really think I gave up coffee, did you?